Wow, what an interesting past twenty four hours. Boy have I got a lot to write about today.

It started off yesterday morning when I woke up and figured Jim was working because he said he'd probably have to. So I had my mom take me Movie Gallery and rent movies. We rented The Banger Sisters, Ted Bundy, and Jackass. I haven't seen Ted Bundy or Jackass yet, but I'll probably watch them today. So When we get back from there my mom and Wes decide they're leaving to drive around and we have to stay home and make whatever for lunch, heh. Fuck that! There's nothing in this goddamn house top eat. So Wes coughs up 10 dollars and I try to find a ride to IGA for their fried chicken strips. mmm. Yummy.

Of course Grandpa doesn't answer, so I'm thinking, what the beef? Where is he? So I call my grandmother and she agrees, but she has to take a shower and blow dry her hair etc. So finally, an hour and 45 minutes later she arrives while I'm watching The Banger Sisters and says, "Let's go!"

So we went. Chicken, noodle salad, chips, soda. Total was $10.27 I know. I am just that good.

So back home to finish The Banger Sisters, Ashley and I restart the movie where we left off and eat our chicken, just as soon as our chicken had been gobbled, but not before the movie ended, Jimmy calls. "So, you comin' over?" Hell ya! He wants me there quick because he's been waiting so I whip my clothes out of the dryer still damp and skip down to Grandpa's house. Because Jim gave me a 15 minute limit on getting there. So I do end up finding my weird grandfather, all locked up in his house, shades pulled, not answering his phone. What a weirdo! Let me tell you... So he says he'll give me a ride and we get to Jimmy's house. I'm in a bitchy mood because I'm about to start my period, and so things were kind of bumpy, until I finally finished sucking his cock, at which point he was fine again. Then we decided to go to Randy's. Well, Jim was already going to Randy's without me, but Randy was depressed and said he could come down sooner but I didn't have a ride home at the time so I asked Randy if I could go along too. Randy said no, because I cause too much trouble. I was like what? That's rude, and then I hear a voice in the background. "Who's there with you, Randy?" "Kim, that's why you can't come over now, but the two of you can come down after she leaves, it won't be long." So we wait, and finally she leaves. Jimmy gets some of his anti-depressant pills for Randy because he's a big pill popper, and I ask for one. I get two and life is great. I took them right there.

We then began our journey to Randy's house. It's not very far, but as we're almost there we see a car facing us down the street aways parked on the side of the road. Jim says, "I bet that's Kim waiting there because she knows you're coming up." Then the car turned off it's headlights, a few steps later turned them back on and then started driving toward us. Randy's house was between us and the car, and we were pretty sure it was Kim. It was dark so we couldn't see the car, but the way that person was acting we just didn't know. Well, it wasn't and they turned off so we never saw them again.

Moments later we arrived at Randy's house. Randy was in the shower so Jim and I went downstairs and waited for him. Randy finally came down and pulled out a tile in the ceiling concealing a stash of marijuana and pills Randy has stolen from his father. I thought, fucking right. Tonight is my night.

Randy decides he's going to Jason and Brad's to get fucked up because there are a whole bunch of people going over there to "party". It wasn't much of a party though. Brad was working and Jason was down at T.C. Hamlin playing basketball with his friend Eric, who I met for the first time. So we went down there and I sat and watched the guys play two on two. Jason and Eric [[Cony]] vs. Jimmy and Randy [[Gardiner]]* It was boring, I don't know who won but the hood of Eric's car is very warm and vibrates. I was having a blast.

So back to Jason's, this time with Jason. We sat in his room and I begged Randy for a pill. Just one, but he declined. So yeah, the rest of the night was spent with me bugging Randy for pills, watching Randy give free pills away to everyone except me, riding in cramped cars with assholes who won't share their pills, and watching assholes who won't share their pills buy alcohol. I had already discussed it with my mom earlier and she was picking me up at 10, so after picking up beer from our "connection" we then went back to Brad and Jason's house. Randy was already incredibly fucked up from the pills he took, so he didn't really need to drink. But he had the idea of just lugging in the 12 pack to Brad and Jason's room thinking that their mom, Pam, won't care. Of course the plan was stupid and it was left in trunk for when I was gone. So inside we went. Randy only had two pills left, two of like 19. I gave him the puppy eyes, and since he didn't know what the hell the pill was or what it would do to him, he decided to give it to me. The pills Jimmy had given me a couple hours earlier was already kicking in. Those things calmed me right to fuck down. I also had a major migraine so I was hoping the painkiller Randy gave me would help.

Mom comes, I leave. I'm incredibly silent. I don't like any of the people I was just with - although I'm dying for friends because I have none. So when I get home I call Jessica [[the only sober one with a licence who is able to drive with passengers]] and ask her to come back and get me and I'd sneak out. She says sure, Brad will give me a ride home so I say great. I take some Excedrin, my migraine is gone in no time and I get ready to sneak out.

I'm in the breeze way. Working towards my shoes... "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU SNEAKING OUT???" Caught red-handed. "Oh shit." So we argued, she said if I had just asked her she would have let me go, but I knew it was bullshit, she would have said no to me. So we argue, and argue and argue, until my mom points out Jessica's car as it drives down the road and out of sight. She's gone. Because of mom not letting me go wait for her, after asking correctly, and before sneaking out, I missed my ride. So I called Jessica back when she got there. She said she'd ask Brad and call me with his answer. So I waited, mom and I talked. Half an hour went by. An hour went by. I started to cry. I have no friends. Everyone fucking hates me. No one ever wants to do anything with me. I'm so out of place with those people. I finally go to bed crying, I told my mom wouldn't be able to stop and she let me be. I couldn't sleep because I was too upset so I got online and talked to every person on my buddylist about how I had no friends. Because it's true. None of those people are my friends. And while I did that, I took the rest of the aspirin [[8 pills]] I took some prozac [[4 pills]] and I took the rest of my celexa [[10 pills]]. I thought I was going to die from overdosing. I was scared, but at the same time I was so upset that I wanted it. I wanted to die.

So finally it's just me and RJ. That's when the fucking shit started kicking in, let me tell you. I knew, at the moment my high started, that I was going to die. I said, holy fuck. I had to throw up. I had to. I ran to the bathroom and tried as hard as I could but nothing but air came up. I heaved and then burped. It was weird. So I gave up and came back to the computer. Things now start to get blurry, but I know that I told Jacinta what a wonderful person she was, and I haven't spoken to her in forever, so it was surprising. We used to be best friends, but we're seeing totally different people now, she actually thought that I just fucking around with her when I said I was afraid I might overdose and I wanted her to know how wonderful she is. But when I assured her I was for real she was very supportive. And when she got offline, I started getting really, I mean really fucked up. My legs were starting to tighten and I was getting dizzy, and I was incredibly nauseas. I kept seeing these circles of color appear on my computer screen and it was totally freaking me out. I kept hearing something, but it was very very faint. I strained to hear whatever it was I was hearing but my ears were buzzing so loudly that it was hard to concentrate. Then I finally heard something about Baghdad so I figured mom and Wes had the tv on. I went over to there room but the tv was off. And for some reason I could here it loudest in my room near my computer, so I figured maybe my tv was on but the video wasn't working? I was wrong, then I realized Ashley's tv is on the opposite side of the wall so maybe she left it on. I went in there. Nope. Not there. So I decided to go to bed. I decided to write Ashley a letter in case I passed away in the night, because I thought it would only be polite. OMG was it hard writing a letter when I was that fucked up. I left it on her pillow case. I had gone into her room because I thought she was home and I wanted to wake her up to confort me, but she was at Erica's b-day party.

Off to bed I went, I was really starting to spaz at this point, I was incredibly messed up. So I opened my door and turned off my computer and my computer lamp and got into bed. As I'm sitting there staring at my door I see a figure in the dark of a young person and this young person was standing at my door. They started opening and closing it, but not all the way, just like a foot or so closed and then open to where it was again. Then I started seeing the form of a man, the black figure of a man walking into my room. I said, what the hell? I was so freaked out at this point. I thought it was Emma so I said, Emma? and I saw her on the floor and she perked her head up toward me. Then Another fucking guy came into my room, I was like. WHAT THE FUCK?? I freaked and turned on my light. My little rubber doorstop sat neatly under my door. If anyone had tried to close it I would have heard the door go over the rubber thing that keeps it open. Secondly, Emma wasn't laying on my floor. And I know that I did not hear her walk out my door in the 9.7 seconds it took me to see her and then turn on the light. I was fucking spooked. So I turned my computer back on and got back online. Went to the bathroom and got myself a drink of soda. [[thank god, I did that]] And then went into my room and told RJ about my sightings.

Not long after that I was looking out my open door into the dark kitchen and I start to fucking see shapes of men again. And they're coming inside my room. In fact, after I close my door there's a young person [[perhaps the one opening and closing my door]] standing behind the door frame.

They were weird, ya know? Because it wasn't like I was hallucinating a person, I was hallucinating a ghost. It looked like one of those people you see on TV or in a movie who is supposed to be made out of water. They're clear and whatever is behind them is jus slighty blurry. That's what my figures looked like, but they were easiest found in the dark because they had a green tint around them then. I don't know dude, this is what happens when you get fucked up.

The young person was ok though. I could't tell guy or girl because it wasn't that defined, but it came up to my left and looked over my shoulder, as though it were reading what I was writing to everyone online in my instant messages. That's when some more freaky shit started happening. I kept seeing things to my right, out of the corner of my eye, and it looked as though something was moving, but when I glanced over everything was still. That happened for quite a while. Then I was looking at my printer when a small pile of dust, like a little twister came spiraling up and blew into my face.

It was beautiful! I could see every tiny particle of dust flying through the air! Magnificant, I say. Of course throughout my entire night I was trying to hold in anything my stomach might want to do away with. But at the same time, I was incredibly hungry, so even if I had gotten sick, there wouldn't have been much to throw up.

I don't know how accurate any of these things are because everything from last night is very blurry. I know that it all happened, I just don't know in what order, but that doesn't matter, as long as you get all the good stories.

RJ asks me if I can still see any people. I said that I had gone out a little while ago and they were all out there in the kitchen. Because it was true. He thought there was only one man, but there were lots of men, and all of them looked like a copy of the first. So I said, ok. I'll see if they're still out there. I open my door and BOOM! THERE HE IS! I was so freaked out seeing him right there in front of me that I spazzed, screamed, and slammed the door. I didn't scream too loudly, nor did I slam the door hard. Just as softly as I could in an instant when you're jumped like that.

Lucky for me the guy couldn't get through the door! It didn't matter though, not long after that I turned to my right and there he was. All the while RJ is still online talking to me. So I get freaked out and jump up. I go to the mirror and notice my face looks so .... different. The color is waaayyy off. I went from incredibly pale to tan and red. And my arms, they're whie and sprinkled in a tan color as well. It's really really weird looking. And I'm so cold!

So this morning I'm stuck in a room of look alike ghosts and Brittany comes on. I tell her all about my fiasco with the man-ghost and everything else that happened and she sympathized with me. Of course RJ is the only one who was with me minute by minute as I described things to him. But Brittany has to go, so I say goodbye, and then, [[it's 6 in the morning, lol. RJ was up all night with me. Thank you RJ.]], RJ decided to go to bed. Damnit. So I was alone. It wasn't that bad because it was light out, and they aren't as easy to see, or as scary in the light. So I went out into the kitchen, opened every window and turned on every light and sat there saying "please wake up mommy please wake up mommy" Because, unfortunatly, their bedroom was dark. And I can't barge in on them while they're sleeping and turn on the light, so when I saw the man sitting at the end of their bed, I said, aww hell. I'll wait for her to wake up.

So finally she did. "What's wrong?" "I'm seeing things, people, and hearing things too" "Nicole?! What is wrong with you?!" Well, I blamed it on the fact that I hadn't slept all night. I guess I must be hallucinating due to lack of sleep. So she tried to force me to take a nap this morning! But I wasn't tired at all, so I told her I was just really hungry, which I am, and came here to write all this good stuff down.

Just a few moments ago I heard something in the corner by my CD rack, which is the same place that things looked as though they were moving around when I wasn't looking last night. And I swear I saw Dale's whiskers, but I looked closer and they weren't there. Then I saw something movie and said, SHIT IT'S A SPIDER [[I'm terrified of spiders]] but then I realized no. It's just a little boy ghost sitting under my desk. It's so funny because every now and then I hear a creak from down there and now I know where those creaks come from.

My skin still hasn't returned to it's normal color. I still haven't gotten rid of the jitters, or been able to control my urges to get sick. I still see people running through my house. Big people, fat people, short people, thin people, old people, young people. They come in all shapes and sizes. I know what I experienced may sound cool, and in fact it really really was. But I'm just glad I didn't die, because I could have. In fact, I wrote Jimmy several e-mails during the latter hours of my high telling him what was going on, and I actually told him I would probably die. Lol. Good think I didn't, huh?

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� PAST MEMORIES
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