Hmm, things are weird. Very very weird. And this diary template just does not work with Netscape.

I'm at school right now and some weird things have gone on. Yesterday was Tracey's funeral. Tracey being Jim's uncle. I spent all yesterday morning looking for Jessica and I couldn't find her. I was so upset, I really needed her. Then Randy took me to the funeral. We had to go to Halldale and pick up Josh Brougham and some Trevor kid. Trevor was quite a sight, let me tell you. And I don't mean that he's goodlooking either. He was just odd, and we went back to Randy's house with an hour before the funeral started and I had to listen to them discuss their man-stories. I hate listening to them talk about girls and cars and booze. It's just not that fun.

The funeral was pretty awful. First off, I didn't match, and second off, I've never been to a funeral, and I didn't know this guy. I didn't get to see Jim because he was with the family and they kept them at a basement part of the church, isolated from everyone until the service. I wanted more than anything to see him. I wanted to hold him, kiss him, be with him, look into his eyes. I needed him with me, and I just couldn't have him.

After the funeral I was supposed to find my mom for a staff meeting, unfortunately I couldn't find her outside the church so I went home with Randy. Again, I listened to their stupid stories, but this time Brad was there and he gave me a Cadbury egg, so I felt better. Brad's grandfather gave me a ride home and when I got home I just broke down. I cried, I took a bath and I just sat there bawling and talking to Jimmy. I knew he couldn't hear me, obviously, but I needed him so bad and I didn't know why. I wanted to cut myself. I wanted to hurt myself, but I couldn't do it because Jim told me not to. I called Jim and he was on the other line. I was devastated, I needed him so bad.

I went into the kitchen to find something to eat or drink and Wes' Corona was calling me. I drank. I felt so guilty, but when I was drunk I didn't feel so awful. I didn't cry. Finally Jim called me back and I broke down again. I cried to him, "Don't leave me, please don't leave me" I told him I'd kill myself if he left me.

He left me. He left this morning, to Rhode Island for the weekend. With JROTC. I hate JROTC. And I hate Jim for going. I need him right now. I need Jimmy.

This morning I came to school at 9:30 and had a meeting with the principal and Mr. Connolly [[guidance]] It was odd, they wanted to leave me with 4 out of 8 classes and then I could have the rest of the day off, but I said I'd keep study halls to help me catch up. I saw Jim this morning, before the meeting. He gave me a kiss before he left.

So here I am, in journalism. The principal is checking on me. Making sure I'm at all of my classes. It's odd having him watch me, but I guess it's what I have to deal with. I was the stupid one who skipped classes.

I miss Jimmy.

<��||��>

� PAST MEMORIES
RIP Bryan - Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003
I'm being stalked again! - Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003
I'm back. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Gail, the bitch. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Rahhhhh!!!!!!!!! - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003