I miss Jim. I miss him so much. I don't know what to do. He didn't call last night. I don't know where he is, or how he's doing, or what's going on as far as his mom and sister are concerned. Hell, he could be dead right now, I just don't fucking know anything. I'm afraid to call him. I don't want to be obsessive, so I'm just going to sit here and wait until he calls. I would give the world for him to call. I want to hear his voice, I want to know he's ok.

I'm so sad, and I don't know why. Most likely it has a lot to do with yesterday and not having heard from Jim. I thought about him the entire time I was out yesterday. I can't stop thinking about the bad things that could have happened last night. He was upset, he was supposedly getting high, he wanted to snowmobile, he could have gone snowmobiling and gotten hurt. Something awful could have happened, and I just don't know. I want to be with someone. I want a guy. I want attention from someone with a penis. That would make me feel better. Obviously I don't make Jim feel better, so his affection is out of the question. But I need something from someone. I need to be with someone. I'm so alone right now. I'm sad and alone. I don't want sex or anything, I'm not some slut that craves a fuck when I feel bad. I just need to cuddle with someone. That would make me feel so wonderful.

I wanted to cut myself yesterday. I can't imagine how bad Jim feels, having known this guy and losing him. I don't know what he could have done to himself. I don't know. I feel so left out. I am not very high on his list of people that can make him feel good when his uncle dies, but I wish he'd at least let me know how things are going. I want to be not-so-in-the-dark about this. I just don't know what to do or how to react. I've never wanted to see someone, touch someone, be with someone as much as I do Jim. I miss him so much.

I don't know what to do with myself.

:-(

<��||��>

� PAST MEMORIES
RIP Bryan - Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003
I'm being stalked again! - Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003
I'm back. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Gail, the bitch. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Rahhhhh!!!!!!!!! - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003