If my medication wasn't working right now, I'd be bawling.
I just can't stand people, I really can't. I want to hurt myself in the most painful way possible, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to.

Adam called me a bitch. For no reason, I'm just a slutty bitch. This, coming from my ultimate crush, really fucking bruises the ego, ya know what I mean? I just UGH!

His convo with Angela:

one leged rhino: and everytime i thought of nicole she has been in a relationship with someone else so WTF NO!

Yeah - that's because everytime I'm single he wants nothing to do with me, but as soon as I find someone BAM he wants me again. See? Now, I'm single, and he doesn't care, but when I start dating someone else, he'll get all pissed that I'm not for his taking. It's such bullshit, that kid is such a stupid fuck... and yet, I want his hot body so bad.

:-( I'm so stupid. NICOLE, YOU'RE STUPID. STOP BEING STUPID AND GET OVER HIM! GET OVER HIM!!!
But, I can't. He's so delightful, in a mysterious and captivating way. I'm going to cry and cut myself because I just don't know what else to do. I just can't stand not having him when he's all I really want. Sometimes I think my like for Adam is more pure than my liking for Josh Marsella. I mean, of course I like Josh a lot, but I could never be myself with him, and he was the best friend I ever had, but there's so much more I can do with Adam. I can express myself freer without holding back, afraid of what he'll think of me.

It's so hard.

I don't know why people don't like me. I don't know what it is I do wrong. I don't know why I'm so annoying. I just don't know. I wish I did know, because I'd stop doing whatever it is I do. I want people to like me. I want to be "likable". How come I'm not? I hate myself. I just got the full conversation between Adam and Angela, and I guess Adam thinks I'm annoying.
He said "one leged rhino: and for some reason nicole has just been annoying the fuck outa me lately"

I haven't even spoke with him. But for some reason, I'm annoying the fuck out of him. Some things, they're just fucking messed up. I wish I were dead.

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