mmm, I think I did it. I hope I did it. Last night I was in a chatroom entitled, "I hate myself." There was this one man, his birthday is today, and he wanted to kill himself. I instant messaged him and asked what was so bad as to make him want to kill himself. He explained to me that his children were taken away and his wife left him and said that he had nothing. I knew what he was going through, and I knew what those kids would go through if he did kill himself. I didn't want that, for him or his kids and I began to cry. I tried to make him see my predicament and when he asked my age and I replied, "16 and without a father" I think he realized I do know what he's going through, and what his young children will go through. My father attempted suicide a while ago. Although not many people know this, becuase I'm ashamed and want no one to know. It was third grade and he finally left my father for the woman he had been having an affair with. Not long after he found out she had been cheating on him! Well, he got drunk one night, cuz- you know- that's the cool thing to do...? he pulled out a gun, put it under his chin and shot. He must have been too drunk to aim, because he missed, and it went threw the side of his face and took out the entire cheek and jawbone on one side. He spent many days in the hospital in a coma, and when he awoke, he was still legally drunk in most of the 50 states. When he did that, I lost all respect for him. In his selfish attempt to relieve himself from what some woman was doing, he completely forgot about his two children at home. He had no thought about me, or Ashley, when he pulled that trigger, it was all about Cathy. And now, of course I stand up for him. When we walk through stores, everyone looks at him funny, and that's just rude. So I make sure to stand up for my father. But at the same time, I kinda feel he deserves it, he did that to himself, he never thought about me, why should I be thinking about him? I know what that little girl and boy will be going through if he attempts, and heaven forbid succeeds in his attempts. I wanted him to see what he was doing to himself, and his family. That little girl, who doesn't talk to him now, is going to want to talk to him when she's older, when she's a teen and her mother and herself clash- like teens and mothers do. I wish I had a father to go to. I wish I could run to Daddy and be considered, "Daddy's Little Girl" but it will never happen, all because in 12 seconds, David A. Winter decided his life wasn't worth it. PEACE

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� PAST MEMORIES
RIP Bryan - Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003
I'm being stalked again! - Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003
I'm back. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Gail, the bitch. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Rahhhhh!!!!!!!!! - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003