I had a lot of time to think. It was really really good for me. I came to some conclusions on certain subjects, and in other places I'm just as confused if not more confused. Josh, ahhh, nope. I don't know where I am with him. I don't care either. Haha, yeah I do. I thought about him most of the time I was up there. I do know that I'm not about to spend 7 years in college to become a lawyer and then realize it's not what I want to do. I know now it's all wrong for me. This system is so corrupt that I won't be able to help anyone as a lawyer. I want to do something to make a difference, I want to be a somebody. I heard Lee Ann Womack's new song the other day, Something Worth Leaving Behind, and I said, that's what I want. I want to make something of myself, and my ruler for measuring my success will not be how much money I make, or how many people know me, it will be how many people have I made smile, how many people have I made feel better, I don't want to live my life lonely, and when you help someone, when you REALLY help someone, you'll always be in their heart, and they'll be in yours. If I make a difference for just ONE person in this world, that will be something worth leaving behind, that will be enough for me to live a happy life. I want to live somewhere other than here. I want to go to Poland, I want to go to Zimbabwe, I want to go to other places in Africa, Jamaica, Columbia, I want a rastaman, I want to be free, I want to be happy, I want to help. I won't get everything I want. No one has that. I don't expect it either, but I will make a difference for one life, one person, one soul. I will be there.

I want to be different. I'm going through a hippy revolution at the moment. The only thing I won't do is drugs. My father shot himself after a long life of drugs and alcohol. He's still here, but I just can't turn out like him, I promised myself that. I'm going all out on the hippy thing though. I love the whole idea, they're so care free and, well, just groovy. haha.

Jackman was beautiful. Lindsey and I took a long walk, complete silence, aside from the birds and the bees, water from a nearby lake, watching butterflies dance around Ashley's ankles. It's so amazing up there. I couldn't be more at peace. Now here I am. Back in Gardiner Maine..... I need a job, I need a change of scenery and I want to be in North Carolina. That's my dream place here in America, not sure why, but that's where I want to be. There or in Florida with my gram. I need to go there too. I'd love to go live with her, I should find myself a one-way ticket to Florida and say bon-voyage. I don't think she'd take me, but I can dream right?!

PEACE

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� PAST MEMORIES
RIP Bryan - Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003
I'm being stalked again! - Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003
I'm back. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Gail, the bitch. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Rahhhhh!!!!!!!!! - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003