I've made a new diary, the member name is anwbeginnning. It's for my past. I want you to know what I've gone through during the past 16 years. It's really tough shit man.

I'm not listening to music and I should be. It's old Hallowell day and I'm waiting to hear from Heather whether or not she's going to bring me. I'm not sure yet if I want to go.

I talked to Kasey Tetu last night and I am led to believe that maybe something Thad told Josh has made Josh think I'm a slut and that's possibly why he broke up with me and is now not talking to me. I'm certainly not a slut, and I'm about to describe in detail my incredibly short and currently non-existent sex-life, so children, look away. I've had sex twice. That's only two times. With two different guys. Yes, I know, that doesn't exactly make me look good, but let me explain. My first was Josh Brougham. It was AWFUL!! There was too much blood on my part, making it unpleasurable and disgusting. In fact, I have not talked to him since, and vice versa. Sure, had the experience gone a little better we might have "hooked up", but it was just a big mistake. Although, it was a mistake I'm glad I made. At least that horror is out of the way and I didn't lose someone I really liked. James Dipane was my second. I had sex with him one month after we had gotten together and the relationship was incredibly bumpy. Maybe I thought deep down that it would have saved our relationship, because I really did like him. I'm not sure. But it was a waste of time, we had sex once, he lasted maybe a minute, and that was it. Not long after that, the relationship went down the tube, probably having something to do with him being embarassed, but I'm not going to comment because I'm not here to humiliate the guy. I've given head to two guys, Jimmy, I'm not sure how many times, and Thad, once, which I wholeheartedly regret. So there, that's my sex life. Not much of a sex life if you ask me. And certainly nothing that could make me a slut. The other thing Kasey mentioned that turned my head was the fact that Josh brought up to her my non-existent relationship with Nick Melanson. He seems disappointed that I could find someone new the same day he dumped me. Of course, that's completly understandable, but the thing is, he ended our relationship, so why does he care what I do now? I'm kind of two sided on the issue, because I can sort of see where he's coming from, but I also know where I'm coming from. If I had the truth behind our breakup, I'm sure I'd be able to understand him a lot better, and maybe he is right. but it's so funny with Nick because he'll ask me out, then he'll tell me how much he likes me and he'll put me on his profile and tell me everyday that he's coming over... and then I never see or him from him again until he's single and once again looking. Jen imed him on a sn I have and asked asl and sent her his picture and stuff and he told her he was single and has been since he and his gf broke up at the end of school. What a loser. For some reason he and I have gone out twice, but have never had a relationship, which I consider to be fine with me. I do have to say that I greatly miss Josh, but hell what can I do? He wants me out of his life, so that's where I'll be.

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