I'm dating Josh again.

I hate life.. it has nothing to do with Josh of course.. I love Josh, but I hate everything, my mom is the biggest bitch ever and I'm only happy when I'm high. That's very seldom except for recently with ashley's wisdom teeth being taken out. I was going to transfer to halldale, but I couldn't, and so I'm stuck here and my life is even worse than ever. I had one good day and it's over. I just want to snort these three hydrocodones and then end my life. It wouldn't hurt nearly as much with how high I'd be, and I would have no more pain from then on either. No more sitting in front of my computer all night with tears rolling down my cheeks, a pounding headache and a nauseated stomach. No more dealing with my stupid mother blaming me for everything bad in this house and lying around with her fucked up boyfriend. No more people hating me for reasons beyond my knowledge. When I'm dead, no one can hate me. When I'm dead, no one can ridicule me. When I'm dead, everything will FINALLY be perfect. FINALLY!

Yes, that�s me.
The one in her bed,
Unable to speak,
Unable to be listened to.
Yes, that�s me.
The one at her desk,
Cursing and hollering,
Unstable child.
Yes, that�s me.
Next to you in the car,
The crazy one,
Unloved and rejected.
Can you see me?
I am too ugly to be looked at,
And yet I still exist.. Wanting and needing something more.
But it doesn�t matter what I need, for it will never come.
No one there to help.
No one there to listen.
Yes, that�s me.

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� PAST MEMORIES
RIP Bryan - Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2003
I'm being stalked again! - Tuesday, Aug. 19, 2003
I'm back. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Gail, the bitch. - Monday, Aug. 18, 2003
Rahhhhh!!!!!!!!! - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2003